Motherland, 2019
I became a citizen of the United States on my best friend's birthday on the 25th of August in 2016. She would've turned 88 years young then. We would've had a celebration together. She would've taken me to our favorite Italian restaurant on Budd Avenue. I would've heard her say, "I am so happy for you, darling," in her low loving raspy voice. In a way, she was there with me, celebrating my citizenship, her birthday, our friendship. I felt her presence; it was our day, after all. After she passed in July of 2014, I get visits from her favorite bird, the hummingbird, at the most unusual times and places. For example, I was on a hike with my friend, Carrie, at Pinnacles National Park. We were at the peak of a mountain talking about Louise, and lo and behold, a hummingbird showed up blazing in front of us, at 1,300 feet! And that's just one of many occurrences. Take it with a grain of salt as you please. I got a hummingbird tattoo on my forearm with a quote by Rumi in her honor — "the wound is the place where the light enters you."
Most people don't know that I have been working as a caregiver for more than a decade now. I have gained and lost friends over the years, but Louise was special. She made me feel utterly loved. She listened to me recite new poems I wrote. She held me through heartbreaks. She was my caregiver as much as I was hers. Isn't that how it's supposed to be? You grow together in love, you give in love, you receive love, we all take care of each other? Louise taught me to live in the moment. I vividly remember her watching hummingbirds feasting on her feeder, and that moment alone was enough to make her day. She was content, and there I was, watching in awe. She also taught me the importance of acquiring experiences more than material things, so as soon as I became a citizen, I started saving money to do just that — to experience the magic of this planet and its people. As soon as I became a citizen, I booked a solo trip to Europe and visited seven countries. I wish I was able to create a film from that travel. It was the beginning of the "unfolding" of my creativity. And at that time, it was finally encouraged.
In this video, five years after Louise's passing, I am back to my motherland. I traveled with my new best friend, Lindsay, and her now fiancée, Eileen. Soon after Louise's passing, Linds and I started growing closer. In fact, she was at my citizenship party. Her attendance was symbolic now that I think of it. When I began my "unfolding," Linds encouraged me to fully embrace what I have discovered and yet to discover about myself. So far, I am a storyteller, a love poet, a photographer, a better sister and partner, and an even better best friend. The list could go on as we are all endlessly growing. We are indeed many things for as long we don't go against the current, so do I dare disturb the universe? No way, Prufrock.
Thank you, Louise, for bringing me home. Thank you for bringing me Linds. Now, here's to unfolding and flourishing.
